Interesting article by
Brenda Della Casa
Ever feel as though you always find yourself in
situations with the slightly shady? Take off the rose-colored glasses
and pay attention to these bright red flags. Your sanity (and friends
who care about you) will thank you.
1. Boundaries, What Are Those?
Whether
it's a "joke" at your expense, language you don't appreciate, or
pressing you to share information you have been clear you deem private,
anyone who doesn't respect your right to your own space (emotional,
personal, physical or mental) is going to have you going from
0-to-frustrated in no time.
2. They Spill Your Secrets
Look,
everyone has a slip-up now and then, but when the person you have sworn
to secrecy just happens to slip right in front of the one person you
asked them not to, chances are it wasn't an accident. If it happens
twice, you've got yourself a bonafide frenemy.
3. They Freak Out
In
college, your roommate leaving you at the bar was dragged-out fight,
drama-worthy, but we are all adults here. Unless there is a fire or a
real reason to scream, yell, send 100 rapid-fire texts and run around
like Charlie Sheen at a Hollywood Hills after-party, take freak outs as
frustrating proof that the person in front of you can't control their
emotions. Whether this is caused by anxiety, immaturity and/or a
tendency to bully, it's not something you need to deal with.
4. They Stonewall You
Uh-oh,
they are mad at you, or you have hit a topic they don't like to
discuss. You know what that means, you're suddenly being told they won't
listen to what you have to say by way of jumping off of the phone,
ignoring your texts/calls, reminding you they are stressed or saying
it's not the right time (again). No one likes discussing touchy topics,
but if you are never heard, perhaps you should move on and converse with
someone who actually cares about the feelings -- and person -- behind
the words you're trying to say.
5. They Lie
If
your new pal or partner just changes the truth when they don't like the
way a conversation is going, it's a huge red flag. No trust, no
relationship. End of story.
6. They Get Too Close Too Soon
Yes,
there are some people who just "click," but bonds take time to build,
so guess what? They don't really love you on week two, and that new
acquaintance has yet to earn the bestie title.
7. They Disrespect You
Everyone
gets upset, has stress and gets pissed, but how we deal under pressure
gives others a clear view into our character. Calling someone names or
treating someone like your own personal verbal punching bag says more
about them (and what you'll be dealing with every time they get upset)
than the words coming out of their mouth. Note: This is true even if
they are berating that annoying customer service agent on the phone.
People who can treat anyone that way will eventually treat everyone that
way.
8. He/She Makes "Suggestions" As To How To Improve Your Looks or Life
It
may feel like he or she is being helpful, or even caring, but giving
unsolicited advice in these areas can be a real sign that someone wants
to control you. You have been you for decades and if you're happy with
that, he should be, too. Unless you mention that you want to change
something and he offers to help, take note.
9. They Always Want Something From You
You've
come to realize that the random "thinking of you" text always has a
string. Friends should always be there for one another, but if someone
is always looking to take, it's time to tell them to take a walk.
10. Hey, It's Not My Fault
We
are all going to do things to screw up, and unless we're talking huge
betrayals, it's often how we handle ourselves after the screw up that
determines the fate of our relationships. If the person you are dealing
with has an excuse for the inexcusable, tread lightly. Other clues
you're dealing with a blame-shifter: He or she blames all of his exes
for break-ups, bosses for job losses and plays the victim in situations
where they clearly have equal control.
11. Your Friends Hate Them
Your
real friends love you and want the best for you, and if one person says
something, you can chalk it up to a personality clash -- but if you're
hearing comments or crickets every time you mention him or her, sit up
and take notice.
12. They Hate Your Friends
Not
everyone is going to want to go out for a drink with every new person
you meet, but if your new girl or guy is constantly making comments in
an attempt to get you to question your relationships with your friends
or family members, something is up. Your guard should be, too.
13. Manipulative Much?
It
sounds crazy (because it is) but some people will tell you that you
have said and done things you didn't and that you're overreacting when
you're not. These are the same people who will kick you in the shin and
say "ouch" either literally or figuratively (literally would be both
funny and insane). Gaslighting and crazy-making are common attributes of
abusers, so steer clear.
14. You Never See Each Other
In
this day and age, it is common for people to text more than they
actually speak to one another, but if you've been texting more than 10
days with no plans to meet up, you're likely one of many women he's
garnering attention from. That's not a relationship worthy of your time.
Stay friends if you want to, but move. Keep your "fan" status for your
favorite pop star.
15. That Old Uneasy Feeling
Intuition is a real thing, and we all have it. Trust yours.
Follow Brenda Della Casa on Twitter:
www.twitter.com/BrendaDellaCasa
